Too guilty to feel tired

If I could give one piece of advice to pregnant me, it would be to sleep. All day. Just sleep. As if you can 'stock up' on sleep. Ha! Oh and eat slowly. Enjoy every meal, every bite!

We're very lucky most nights in that Squish usually only gets up the once at about 3am for a feed and the next time he wakes is technically his morning feed for us. But man am I always tired. Like constantly exhausted zombie mode tired. Couple that with him having some kind of in-built system which detects that 'mum is about to eat so now is the time to cry and scream' and you get a very tired human.

There is a strange kind of guilt that comes along with admitting how tired you are as a new parent. As if, for some reason, accepting your exhaustion makes you a terrible parent. To that guilt I say many censored things. No amount of loving your child can make you any less tired. It isn't at all that you're ungrateful for the beautiful gift of a child just because you say how tired you are, it's simply that you still have physical, mental and emotional needs of your own too!

I can't sleep when my baby sleeps. I'm not built that way and there's so much to always do that even if someone is watching him for me, I still find myself being busy. Yes, housework can wait but there are bottles to be washed and sterilised and muslin cloths in piles needing to go through the wash again and so on and so forth. Again, not a moan...just a reality.

The thing with being a new parent is that you are blessed beyond belief, and boy do we know it, but without meeting your own needs you will struggle to parent your blessing of a baby to the best of your abilities. So the next time somebody asks a new parent 'how are you?' I hope they have the courage to say, 'actually, I am exhausted' without being judged.

To my future Squish, it was really really difficult in these early days for both your mummy and your daddy but every time we look into your googly little eyes and each time we see your gummy little grin we are reminded that we're doing a good job. Your satisfied little burps and your gurgles and coos remind us that we are nurturing you well and you are thriving. So one day, when you have your own and you feel like you're too tired to walk, you can tell your mummy and daddy all about it and we will fully understand that you can be a good parent and a very tired parent simultaneously and then we will tell you to take a nap. ;) 



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